Supervisors and managers have to be particularly conscious of this because they tend to have certain employees they listen to well and others who they don’t listen to as effectively. It also has to do with who is delivering the information. It turns out our selective listening isn’t just dependent on our interest in the information. And yet when a coworker or employee approaches you, your listening skills plummet. Chances are when your boss or a customer is communicating you pay more attention and you may even lean in to hear a juicy bit of gossip. Perhaps you suffer from the same affliction – selective listening.

In the same way, my teenage children can be remarkably poor listeners at times and yet hear the faintest whispers of a private conversation I’m having with my wife. How can I be a very good listener in selling and coaching situations and so poor at it at home? After a few days in the dog house I understood that payment can be in many different forms. Once I made the comment that she just didn’t pay me as well as my client’s did for me to be a good listener. As you might imagine, as a paid expert on communication and leadership, I get some well earned ribbing at home from my wife Robin because of my poor listening skills as a husband and father.

Selective listening leadership